5 Signs It Is Time to Let Go
Ever know in your heart of hearts that it is time to “let go” but the thought of actually doing so is too painful? As a result, you hold on desperately to what should be let go of-all the while you are compromising who you are and you are struggling to be in tune with your truest form of happiness, daily.
No matter who you are, the reality of feeling lonely is isolating in a way that causes one to doubt their worth and value. But I ask you, since when was your worth and value based on the affirmation of anyone else but yourself?
By my mid 20s, there were several moments in my life when I knew my current dynamic with family members, friends, and significant others was toxic; but I stuck around and took the jabs that I knew I did not deserve to receive. I mean dynamics so toxic, that I doubted who I was, I questioned who I was working so hard to become for all the wrong reasons, I diminished my worth, and I doubted I deserved care and love at all; simply because I held on when it was time to let go! I was so focused on pleasing others in my personal life that I silenced my voice and my happiness because I thought that was the only way those who loved me would be actively present in my life.
I did my best to never share my disappointment to those who disappointed me. I smiled and made jokes to laugh at the hurt I felt by others. I avoided difficult conversations in fear that the accountability I wanted to hold others to was too unreasonable, even though my gut instincts told me otherwise. In spaces where I should have been confident in who I was, I felt weak and displaced. And unfortunately, those who hurt me and contributed to those negative feelings accepted them from me as it kept them at peace, but not me.
Outlined below, is a list of 5 identifiers in brief and in detail that stemmed from experiences I went through that informed me it was time to let go of the toxic individuals in my life. The moment I opened my heart to the lessons about growing without toxins with confidence, courage, and a sense of self-worth, I realized and accepted that I was no longer willing to compromise my happiness and development because enough was enough and I was fearlessly going to stand up for myself! Should you have experienced or are experiencing any of these moments, it may be time for you to let go as well.
- When you do not know who you are anymore in the company of certain individuals, but you are confident in the company of others.
- When most, if not all forms of feedback you share regarding how you would like to be treated are attacked and shut down.
- When you are made to feel worthless in the direct or indirect presence of the individual for making choices that allowed you to stand in your truths and be your best self.
- When your efforts for compromise is never recognized or received in a mutual way and you always give more than what is received.
- When you start to avoid interactions with the individual or individuals consciously and subconsciously.
1. When you do not know who you are anymore in the company of certain individuals, but you are confident in the company of others. Those who care for you will assist you in finding your way in this world, not deter you from finding your place. They will encourage you by filling in gaps you do not know you have, not create gaps in your development. They will want you to express your accomplishments and moments of doubt with them, not silence your voice of exploration. You should be secure in their presence regarding who you are, even as you navigate the world with questions. You should not be more lost about who you are in the presence of those who care for you-you should feel most secure and found; even with your confusion.
2. When most, if not all forms of feedback you share regarding how you would like to be treated are attacked and shut down. Those who care for you, will want to do their best by you-not cause you intentional harm. You know this, but still keep those who harm you near. Sharing how you would like to be treated, accepted, motivated, spoken to, and inspired is a necessity in any type of relationship and that information should be a priority to those who care for you! As you evolve, so will those in your life. See each other for who you are and welcome the feedback for treatment, not shut it down. Constantly being attacked for who you are and how you would like to be treated is unhealthy and damaging to the soul. Protect yours.
3. When you are made to feel worthless in the direct or indirect presence of the individual for making choices that allowed you to stand in your truths and be your best self. It is believed that individuals know themselves best. In the healthiest of minds, I believe that to be true. You should feel joy in knowing that you are making decisions best for you-trusting that your choices are being made because you are proud of where you are going in life as you choose to make yourself a priority in your life. Being diminished because of making such choices is not appropriate. You should be empowered, not belittled for making decisions that allow your best self to flourish.
4. When your efforts for compromise is never recognized or received in a mutual way and you always give more than what is received. Compromising is never easy, because no matter what, someone feels they are “losing” something. Nonetheless, compromise is essential to any healthy relationship. Healthy compromises do not mean one is always giving, while another is always receiving; it means mutual understanding for a healthy balance. The moment balance is continuously absent; rightfully so, resentment, frustration, and disinterest take over. Speak on the desire to have balance, should that not be well received after several attempts, you know what you need to do.
5. When you start to avoid interactions with the individual or individuals consciously and subconsciously. The mind and the body have an impeccable connection once you allow them to be in tune with each other. When your daily conversations with an individual turn into the weekly, monthly, or never conversations and your daily interactions start to dwindle and you find yourself creating reasons as to why you no longer have the time to share the same space with a person; your mind and your body are telling you that something is not right-listen! You have reached your limit of how much you can take and it is OK that you honor that reality.
There will be moments in your life when those who care for you will not understand the changes you are experiencing. They may not understand your social choices, professional decisions, friendship dynamics, and the way you choose to live your life all together. However, those who truly care for you will do their best to accept who you are in your purest form and you will do the same for those you care for in return-so long as it is a healthy relationship. Should you feel inferior, inadequate, worthless, lost, and silenced most times by those in your life that matter most, it is time to let go and DO NOT doubt that!
It is time for the individual(s) in your life to recognize they need to step up, apologize on their own without your request(s), and they need to take ownership of their mistakes and be held accountable. State your demands and expectations respectfully and let go of the unhealthy relationships. Trust that in time, what needs to be mended will be and those who care for you will be there and true compromise and understanding will re-enter your life. No love from family, friends, a significant other, or anyone else for that matter is worthy of you feeling less than the impeccable individual that you are. You matter now and always; never allow anyone to make you believe or feel differently.
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